She laughed at his jokes, accepted the joints he made for her and got steadily wrecked. When I come out, Dad s on the landing in his dressing gown. And I say nothing, just look at the lamplight slanting across the sofa and splashing the carpet to congeal at my feet. He lifts a corner of the duvet. Why not? We were all frantic. Cold April air shocks my lungs. Be the first to receive exclusive offers and the latest news on our products and services directly in your inbox. It s stopped raining. I think there s a point, he says. She peers inside. 251 University. With Zoey looking, all the words writhe like spiders. What about your dad? He shakes his head at it, then bends down and picks up a T-shirt from the floor, folds it and places it on my pillow. No, no! He rubs me, 223 strokes me. After a visit to the magic shop we have to buy a suitcase with wheels to put the holdall in. It s growing back much darker, and strangely curly, like pubic hair. She s the one I was telling you about. he orders. Zoey says, Now that would definitely annoy me. It could be groundhog day, except that my body is more tired, my skin more transparent. Not sure of the time. 1) Lose my virginity 2) Apologize to Rachel 3) Get back at Biff 4) Jam and party with Shakes the Clown 5) Laugh in death’s face 6) Go to Africa 7) Rob a. Not better enough. I wonder if Mum ll get sent some kind of bill. m going to ask him if he wants to marry you! And you have to promise not to tell anyone. I sip, swallow. But something s shifted. He d bought a pocket kite from the newsagent s and we flew it together. You mustn t laugh at us if we do anything silly, I say. Tiny kisses where he bites my top lip gently, where my tongue edges his mouth. He lights his own and we blow silent smoke across the garden. 282 I get confused. That s three times she s stayed over in the last two weeks. I have to go soon. I try and focus on good things, but it s so hard to scramble out. His arms wrap me warm. I force myself to look out of the window. Within a day of the wall's completion, it was covered in colorful chalk dreams as neighbors stopped and reflected on their lives. Let me guess. And then he says, What happens if anger takes you over, Tessa? Number one is sex. Some mornings I can hardly bear to open my eyes. You OK? Stay with us! Dad looks out of the window. I am less than yesterday. A book by Kristina Darby, with totalpages 129, file format PDF ePub, language English, file download 1519 kb. For hours you sat in hospitals and never, not once, complained. Run! I open one eye and find two blue ones. He smiles his tilted smile. He thinks it s about sex. Adam plucks bits of grass and sieves them between his fingers. Does my dad already know? m not sure how much more I can manage by myself. . I don t even know if you re going to like this. Why are you bringing this up now? There s a thin rain falling. I looked up November in Dad s Reader s Digest Book of Gardening and it suggests that this is the perfect time for conditioning the soil. She draws a second syringe, transfers it to a bottle and scribbles my name in blue ink on the label. I didn t think my card would actually do all that. It s very scary. I liked you being with me. I forget the car s in fourth gear and immediately stall. Will she die? I bet he talks utter crap, or wants to shag you when you don t feel like it. All books are in clear copy here, and all files are secure so don't worry about it. I hear you want Adam to move in, she says. Zoey s eyes glitter. I feel like crap, and now this – a stupid cupboard! There ll be mash and cabbage and onion gravy too. Dad says. The stallholder smiles at me, points to a giant plastic doll sitting mute in her cellophane. Instead, I ve discovered a fifth gear I didn t even know existed. He has a word with the nurse, then turns in the doorway to wave goodbye. I get my coat off the peg and creep about the kitchen listening for leaves and shadows and the soft sound of dust falling. Just after his best friends make a list of things sixteen-year-old Ted should do to live it up, he learns that he has ingested poison and will be dead in twenty-four hours--which might be enough time to do everything on the list. Hi, are you on the horticultural course as well? She s got an infection. She looks startled. m fat! Jake puts them in a plastic bag for her and takes her money. I can hear the fat spitting, the slosh of gravy in the pan. I don t want anyone pissed either. Not really. The plague, the great fire and the war with the Dutch all happened in 1666. Our site does not collect personal information about the user. The moon bounces through the window. he says. And I spread my fingers out on the 72 sheet in front of me. When your mother was in labour with you, she held my hand for fourteen hours and didn t dislocate any fingers! At the gate he gives me a wink. Shall we walk to the garden centre then, Mum? He smiles. Any shortness of breath or nausea? No, really. They just text each other. Sun cream, sun hat and a sensible cardigan for a start! He grins, ridiculously pleased at himself. She swings her hair about so he ll understand it s not her fault. 52 Nothing. Adam s eyes are full of tears. Why? Noise invades – the thunder of his feet on the stair, the clatter of dishes from the kitchen as he opens the door and doesn t shut it behind him. See you later. Sian would ve said yes. He picks up a packet of batteries and waves them at me. Have you had your nose cauterized before? Mum laughs. Be as natural as you can. He runs off to get his stuff, comes back wearing his special jacket, the black one with the hidden pockets. And that s when he blushes. It s down by the shed, tied up. He doesn t smile. She nearly broke her neck on the back of a motorbike, Dad interrupts. Shoplifting, she says. My voice sounds different. m fine. I curl myself tighter. Everything feels volatile. You decided to give up treatment, Tessa? Silica strengthens the bones. Her mouth goes slack, as if she s been unplugged. I flick ash on her hair, but she doesn t notice, just says goodbye in that booming voice of hers and waddles off up the path. He pulls the deck chair closer to me and sits down. I got receipts though, so we can take it all back. What about the clouds? Zoey shouts. He doesn t see me. They won t be. I don t bloody know! She wants to spend more time at our house, she says. It s raining hard now and he s put his wellies on and an anorak. 145 I count silently in my head until lightning breaks across the sky. I can t give you what you want though. Remember what? I tell her that I used to come here as a child, that we had the family room every summer for two weeks. You look like a dog that s about to shit itself somewhere it shouldn t! My arms ache and I m wheezing. If my life was different, I d be out with Zoey. People are gazing this way. Next, he says. I can see it in his eyes. I know I do it and I know it isn t right, but I don t know how else to be. You know, when you fainted that time. And it s only going to get worse. Slow down! It s rubbish, and I m crap at it. Then she looks right at me. He nudges the bird with his shoe until its stomach splits. Where are you going? Please, Zoey. A Self-Help book by Michael Ogden,Chris Day, with totalpages 300, file format PDF ePub, language English, file download 591 kb. Christ! A thought stabs up, growing from my toes and ripping through me, until it stifles everything else and becomes the only thing I m thinking. Also, You Can Read Online Before I Die Full Book Then, because nothing is happening yet, he makes us all a normal cup of tea. I hear myself moaning from a distance. I don t remember her. The man she points to is bald and older than my dad. Not ever. 101 Sixteen He s uglier than I remember. In here, quick, before it rains again. God help them! I don t want you thinking it was easy. Where s he supposed to sleep? They brought me some plums and a Halloween torch from the market. I hate him. We sit together on a bench, our knees not quite touching. She was sure and certain. I confirm there s no emergency. Birds joust on the lawn. I can. 64 He s wearing an apron and his stomach wobbles as he leans down to help me. Let s get out of here, he says. 6 I don t know why I let her read it. Suffocat, A Poetry book by Jackson Berry, with totalpages 230, file format PDF ePub, language English, file download 994 kb. I remember thinking how Dad couldn t possibly have understood, because he was crying too much to listen. It s Dad who rushes to my side, smooths my head, whispers my name over and over like a magic spell. Great! What words are there for the look that passes from me to him and back again? But everyone ll hear me! But I can t find words that are good enough. He does everything wrong. Maggots, he says. Not without you. 48 We were right, she was wrong. They cost £3.50 each and Cal s seriously impressed. You asked me to make you do this! Let s get something to eat, then I ll show you. Piss off, he says. We re all in the same boat, you know. You? he yells. His name s Adam. He shuffles his feet on the step and looks embarrassed. Ten weeks? I stand on the step, trying to breathe deeply, trying not to panic. The ground is wet. You could get sick from that water. A club. When did he tell you that? I also have my hood tied under my chin like an old woman. We never had a dog. I sound heroic, an anarchist of the airwaves. It s the luck of the draw. He undoes my coat and slides it off my shoulders. I feel dazed and hot, as if everything might be a dream. What could they do? Did you give us too much? Are you diabetic? What s she looking for in your blood exactly? You must ve loved him more than you d ever loved anyone. How will I ever tell the difference? Watch where you re going! avg. Zoey holds her nose and takes great disgusted gulps. I thought he d have knocked on the door by now. Did he actually say that? They came to visit me at the hospital, sat together on one chair like they got married and I missed it. Whatever you feel is fine. Along the pavement some pigeons peck at a takeaway chicken box. It used to be bigger. What s wrong with me that I don t know how to do this? Maybe they go somewhere warm and far away. I decide to be Zoey, and begin to undo the buttons on her dress. He sighs, gets up and goes over to the window. I forgot that Adam, Cal and Sally don t even know Zoey s pregnant. Tomorrow we fly. Get rid of it then. At the end aisle, by the freezers, my pockets are bulging. It drips onto the floor and spreads into the weave of the carpet. Mine look different, entangled with his, the new bracelet on my wrist. Last time I looked, you were flat on your back in hospital and I was visiting you! A Novel It turns to nothing. Yes. Beside him, on the ledge, is a green glass apple. They snake up her arm and jingle as she walks over and gives me a hug. At us. She looks startled, sits upright in her chair. The glass between us warps to accommodate his anger. But the nurse is lovely. Then I wake up. Is that bad? Is it the whole dying girl thing, or does he have something original planned? Other cars have put their lights on, even though it s daytime. Something has shifted between us since the hospital. The pony s hooves clatter metallically. I remember it from school. 60 Do you want some then? You shouldn t feel any pain. It s still raining heavily and she cowers under it, winces at the sky as thunder rumbles again. I wonder if she knows he s looking. SELECTED AS WATERSTONES' THRILLER OF THE MONTH 2019 SHORTLISTED FOR THE CWA STEEL DAGGER AWARD 2018 LONGLISTED FOR THE AUTHORS' CLUB FIRST NOVEL AWARD 5* B.

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