Ariel Truax: Well, it's a perfectly legitimate question. John Gustafson Quotes: John Gustafson: [Bragging about his sexual escapades] I've laid more pipe in this town than Wabasha Plumbing. day, no strings attached, just part of our service. Grandpa Gustafson: [speaking of Ariel] Did you mount her? And Amy was a good woman! Grandpa: No?! Why don't you tie your shoelace, you'll fall on your stupid head. Grumpy Old Men quotes 17 total quotes Grandpa Outtakes. Then what's the problem? Being Forgotten. John Gustafson: Ain't got a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out. --Jeff Shannon, https://www.quotes.net/movies/grumpy_old_men_quotes_4812. Tweet +1. [John and Max cleaning the snow off their cars.]. Criticism Of Others. John Gustafson: You're supposed to be smoking filter cigarettes. Snyder:(on the phone) Wait a minute. John (to Ariel, who just locked his door): I thought you said... John: Hold on, I'm...I'm not prepared. fixed. Max: Oh he's fine. If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my Grandpa Gustafson: Well, you can wish in … View Quote. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. She was no prize! Like. It's a stretch to think that Ann-Margret's dating choices would be limited to a pair of grouchy codgers, but sarcastic attitude and snappy dialogue made this a surprise hit (followed by a 1995 sequel), and Burgess Meredith adds plenty of spice as Lemmon's amorous old father. John Gustafson: Well, maybe in California, but here in Minnesota... Who-ho-ho-ho! Good Jokes and Funny Short Stories and Tales, Funny Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman Jokes, They MUST retire - Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed, They MUST buy a new British car - Ten million cars ordered - Car John Gustafson: The sequence where Max is pushing John's ice shanty onto the thin ice, Jack Lemmon uses exactly the same dialog that he uses with the character of Max in The Great Race. John Gustafson: You won't even know I'm here. I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. He's ugly isn't he? your money back in duty/tax. Loco. “- John Gustafson: Nobody slept with anybody. "Grumpy Old Men Quotes." Keep the change! Max Goldman: Finally. Don't forget to watch the hilarious outtakes during the closing credits! Grandpa: Looks like Chuck's going put the hot dog in the bun! John: A stroke's no damn good; you could end up a vegetable! Free Max Goldman: [hands him some matches] Here's some matches. In actual life I am a grumpy old bag. I could smell it from the car, this stink. John tells his father that Ariel moved in. [After being able to dodge Snyder, John slips a little bit on the snow as Max comes outside his house.]. Discover and share Quotes From Grumpy Old Man. Set yourself on fire. The Grumpy Old Men Movie Quote Schmuck 90s Fan T Shirt is available in adult and youth sizes. 'Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.'. Incidentally, Crisis fixed, They MUST send their kids to school/college/university - Crime rate John Gustafson: This milk has chunks in it. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Real busy, but he promised to come home for Thanksgiving. If he looked anything like you, he'd never get on the ballot. Max finds a decaying harden fish in his van and picks it up. Always hanging out around those kinky strip bars. Max: The man's crazy. View Quote. Do I stink? Send. (Grabs the six pack of beer out of his son's hands). Ariel Truax: [John is showing Ariel some family pictures] And these two little guys? John: [Assuming it's Snyder of the IRS coming back to his home in the middle of the night.] Max Goldman: You cut the anchor you dumb ass. There is still only one cheque in my chequebook. Max Goldman: Do me a favor. Then what's the problem? Looks like someone barricaded the door. John Gustafson Quotes in Grumpy Old Men (1993) Share. “- John Gustafson: You won't even know I'm, “You can wish in one hand and crap in the other, and see which one gets fill first.”, “- Maria Sophia Coletta Ragetti: I'd rather, “I just met a girl named Maria, and suddenly I see she's not the... bitch I thought she would be.”. Send. Pin. If you'd had Mae you wouldn't have had Amy! (faces the men) What?! She takes a liking to John, but after a lover's spat she also gives Max a chance at romance, and the long-time buddies reach a peak of grumpy rivalry. Best Grumpy Old Men Quotes. Web. John Gustafson: I am going down and apologizing to Maria. But I don't want to die looking at your ugly face. Max Goldman: Did you win the Lottery Dickhead? I didn't think he would last that long. Grumpy Quotes. Don’t take it so hard. Please use the Search below to find a topic of particular interest: Our offer is to email you an inspirational All rights reserved. Grandpa: Well the woman, does she have big thighs? [While Snyder is busy, Max secretly puts a fish in his car. [Both forget what they were arguing about]. I have a crazy Grandpa he's also a Grumpy old man you can't scare me shirt, hoodie, sweater, longsleeve t-shirt What the hell do I care? John: Ohhhh, couldn't rise to the occasion? Didn't ask you. “- John Gustafson: This milk has chunks in it. . Max: Not you, smart ass! John: It's a good thing he's, his mother's son. knees. Like. Max: Dirty rat, I'll show him, picking on people. Weatherman: Oh cold enough for you. John Gustafson: Just mind your own business, will ya? Max: Tell me something, Chuck. 31 Assorted Memes For Your Exceptionally Bored Mind - Funny memes that "GET IT" and want you to too. Grandpa Gustafson: I'm 94 years old. Head on collision with a freight truck. John Gustafson: Ohh you don't know a damn things about me... Ariel Truax: I do too! Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old grumpy quotes, grumpy sayings, and grumpy proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources. I'm telling you the man's a menace, he's always drinking, starting fights. John: Yeah, well that's why you're a moron! © 2020 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. John Gustafson: Well, that's why you're a moron! to Solve the Problem of Crowded Jails. A woman. View the list There are things that I invented - the creaky geriatric robot that is always grumpy, for example, or the little wheelie guy, he's not in the Hasbro lore. Max Goldman: When I had an ulcer, I was farting razor blades. Jacob said old Billy Hensel was killed in a car crash. subscription to John: I was married to the woman, 20 years. John Gustafson: Enjoy your shower Smart Ass? Max Goldman: That's because you won't be here. Max Goldman: Mind your own business, will ya? [While Max searches for the source of the smell, John moves his car and waits in anticipation. Max Goldman: You're trying to steal her away like you did Mae. Max: You mean the low-life, ass-wipe, egg-sucker John Gustafson? - Grandpa Gustafson Follow them to see all their posts. to help give you the best experience we can. [after Ariel kicks John out, and Max won't let him spend the night]. Of all my husband's relatives, I like me best. Grandpa Gustafson: No!? Put your lip over your head... and swallow. If you ended up with May, you would never had Amy and Amy was a good woman. That's me and the moron. John Gustafson: Alright, then grab the net. I can't find my glasses and I don't remember what I did with the car keys. Is it me? Max Goldman: Hey dickhead you win the lottery? (Laughs), [While Snyder is busy, Max secretly puts a fish in his car. The best movie quotes, movie lines and film phrases by Movie Quotes .com Max: Yes, without it he could be anywhere. Grumpy Sayings and Quotes. John Gustafson: Pop, I really wish you'd try the low fat bacon... Grandpa: Well you can wish in one hand and crap in the other, and see which gets filled first! More memes, funny videos and pics on 9GAG. Dawn French (British actress / the Day'. John Gustafson: Pop, I wish you'd try the low-fat bacon. Tweet +1. To his surprise, John is face to face with Ariel.]. Sign up for our 'Thought of BRRRRRRRRRR! If I was a young fella like you, I'd be mounting every woman in Wabasha. A study by Washington University in St Louis, USA, found older people find it harder than students do to understand jokes. comedienne), The Funny Ideas and our Funny Joke of the Day email. Cleared his car straight over the bridge into the Mississippi. [Snyder and Max Goldman while John is in the hospital. It ain't quick like a stroke. Man 1: We got a problem, sir. Snyder: This isn't gonna stop me, Mr. Goldman. Max Goldman: You traitor, you Benedict Arnold. Terms of Use • John Gustafson: I was married to the woman for 20 years, she was no prize! Oh my god, they've come for me. John Gustafson: Not yet. Max Goldman: If I had known I would be doing a nude scene, I'd have asked for another million. “- Maria Sophia Coletta Ragetti: I've never seen, “How about you come back to my place and I'll, “Do you think we should ask her for some garlic. John: She was damn sight more loyal than May ever was. Ariel Truax: What makes two men spend most of their lives fighting? ], [John is asleep at 1:30 in the morning when he heard knocking on the door and his doorbell ringing.]. Grandpa Gustafson: Well, you can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which gets filled first. Share. Max has just used his tools and wood to barricade the doors shut.]. Ariel: John, when was the last time you made love? John Gustafson: Yeah, and she was a darned sight more loyal than Mae ever was! We have over 1,500 pages of funny pictures, clean jokes, stories and amusing videos. Don't be so serious, enjoy the interesting and weird pictures, funny memes, captions and funny pictures of the day and laugh out loud. Mind your own business. Max Goldman: You watch your mouth, you damn Swede. John: Did you hear, someone moved into the old Klickner place? Browse more character quotes from Grumpy Old Men (1993), John is showing Ariel some family pictures, after Ariel kicks John out, and Max won't let him spend the night. Wandering around talking to the trees. Soon two men from a moving truck under Snyder's orders to repossess John's house and items, finds the house barricaded.] [He grabs a hammer to try and remove the plywoods used to barricade John's door with.]. Industry fixed, They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Has she got big thighs? John Gustafson: We did the horizontal mambo. Grandpa Gustafson: Kids; Can't live with them, can't shoot them. Basketball. Soon two men from a moving truck under Snyder's orders to repossess John's house and items, finds the house barricaded.]. Privacy Statement • “That's all there is; there isn't anymore.” —Ethel Barrymore, For decades, next-door neighbors and former friends John and Max have feuded, trading insults and wicked pranks.

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